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I am obsessing over my book draft. To paraphrase a quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald; “I feel like I am swimming under water and holding my breath.” I read and read it but I can’t let it go as finished. #eventide_love : : : : #amwriting #emotionalabuse as #psychologicalthriller #mystory #writingchallenge #gaslighting #hitchcock #davidlynch #creativewritings #blogto #bookshelves #bookquotes #myblog #truestory💯 #lovindublin
‘Dark Star crashes, pouring its light into ashes… Mirror shatters in formless reflections of matter… Shall we go, you and I while we can… Through the transitive nightfall of diamonds…. ‘ : : Eventide Love is my story of emotional abuse as a psychological thriller. : The protagonist relies on mental resources rather than physical strength to overcome his victim. The conflict is played out through mind games, deception, and manipulation, with sustained attempts to demolish the victim’s mental equilibrium. #eventide_love @ptsouros : : #psychologicalabuse #psychologicalthriller #emotionalabuse #blogto #book #mystory #creativewriting #safeireland #amwriting #gaslightingawareness #hitchcock #davidlynch
“At that very first kiss I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an ethereal way. All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish, all the secrets that slept deep within my soul came awake. I felt the narcotic sensuality of Maryvn Gaye’s lyrics playing inside my heart in perfect harmony with life.” #eventide_love #emotionalabuse as a #psychologicalthriller : : #amwriting #mystory #psychologicalabuse #creativewriting #hitchcock #davidlynch #relationshipsgoals #badlove #marvyngaye #myquote #publishing #metoo #metoomovement #womenempowerment #ireland🍀
Emotional Abuse as a Psychological Thriller. Link in Bio: : There were many shades in the danger of adventures and gales, most of which were exhilarating and golden. It is only now and then that there appears on the face of facts a sinister violence of intention- that indefinable something which forces it upon the mind and the heart. It is this complication of incidents, or these elemental furies coming at me with a purpose of malice, with a strength beyond control, with an unbridled cruelty. And this means it tears out my hope and passion. MY pain of fatigue and longing for rest targets destruction, annihilates all I can see, known, loved, enjoyed, or hated; all that is priceless and necessary- the sunshine, the memories, the future. My precious world as I knew it sweeps utterly away from my sight, further and further as each day goes by, it’s simply an appalling act of losing my life.” #eventide_love : :: #emotionalabuse as a #psychologicalthriller #artwork🎨 @darren_crowley : : #amwriting #mystory #psychologicalthriller #hitchcock #publishing #psychological #womensaid #lovindublin #blogtobook #lifeblogger #davidlynch #reesewitherspoonbookclub #womenempowerment #emotionalrollercoaster
“As my life unraveled from my relationship with Paul, I wanted people to see the abuse, to believe it, to have faith in me. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors, to see beyond the exposer of the relationship. I needed them to understand the devastation, to cushion the fall without preconception. What I didn't know at that stage is that when Paul messed with my life, he was not messing with one part of my life, he was messing with my entire life. Every thread of my life.” #eventide_love : Emotional Abuse as a Psychological Thriller. #artwork🎨 Flora Borsi : : : #emotionalabuse #psychologicalthriller #mystory #creativewriting #writinginspiration #davidlynch #hitchcock #publishing #bookpublishing #psychological #psychologicalabuse #lovindublin #womensaid #womenempowerment
Eventide Love this is my story. In a speech at Wheaton College, Massachusetts, Carl Sagan spoke of how we humans share 99.6% of our active genes with chimpanzees. He described male chimps as aggressive and female chimps as non-aggressive. When under stress or threatened, male chimps become angry, pick up stones and hold them in their palms to hurl at the target. Female chimps, he tells us, walks up to the angry males, pry open their fingers, removes the stones, and drop them on the ground. I tried to take the stones from his hands; I tried talking, texting, writing, believing, settling, begging, tears and anger. I always tried to be the peacemaker, to give him what he wanted while attempting to maintain some dignity. That was unacceptable to him; he wanted to control the terms completely. His terms harmed me. It carried on. Every time I tried to kill the flame, he would always reignite it. My instinct for survival made me realize that unless he was crushed completely the flame would never go out. #eventide_love ; : : #psychologicalthriller #psychological #thriller #thrillers #amwriting #mystory #myblog #emotionalabuse #hitchcock #davidlynch #blogtobook #writingblog

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Blog Quotes 1 – #maybehedosenthityou

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I tried to take the stones from his hands; I tried talking, texting, writing, believing, settling, begging, tears and anger. I always tried to be the peacemaker, to give him what he wanted, while attempting to maintain some dignity. That was unacceptable to him; he wanted to control the terms completely. The terms harmed me. It carried on. Every time I tried to kill the flame, he would always reignite it.    

 

 

 

 

30a73afe325e34d504332ad26f62350eMy drive for love, for closeness, caused me to become a junkie, to make bad choices and impede my ability to move away from the “amphetamine-like high” of the beginning of our romance. Eventually, I was plunged into gut-wrenching despair, this rocketing from the high and lows of my craving for Paul, who fed and starved my addiction.

 

 

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The wild, mercurial relationship shackled me to an opiate-like anxiety. I was living on the edge of life, – it was like clinging to the verge of a cliff 24 hours a day. I longed for serenity, for the harmonious security of attachment.

I thought there was something wrong with me, that it was my problem until we went to counselling. I started to figure out the signs of the abuse I had missed. It took another few months, but it was the spark to my delirious compulsion to end the relationship.

 

i_love_you_200074On a couple of occasions, as I thought about leaving him, he would raise the goal post and promise me he loved me, he wanted me, he needed me. So I would vanish the misgivings gnawing at my mind, stay with him. I should have paid more attention to my ‘gut instinct’ while I still had the aptitude to question his stories and behavior. 

 

As the crazy-making, intensifies, I react with despair, rage, and panic to his seemingly benign happenings or comments appearing the crazy one. He makes my reactive behavior the focus telling me and everyone else how crazy I am. But the truth is he wears ‘the mask of sanity’ which enables him to indulge his twisted crazy-making off me.o-SAD-570

 

Just before our relationship ended, he had spoken of the importance for us to protect ourselves. I puzzled over what exactly he meant, and those words came back to haunt me. Without a doubt, the worst was yet to come.

 

I don’t give a shit about discretion or prissiness. You ambushed me. You are destroying me, you have wounded me, and I am supposed to keep quiet. What words am I supposed to use for what you’ve done to me, for what you’re doing to me?

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With my psychiatrist, we analyzed his treatment of me carefully. It forced me to look at the inconsistency of his nature, his deceit, his caustic presence in my life. We were like two scientists working on a project, building a case study. That’s what saved me. It was a relief to discover that I was not a crazy person, he had driven me crazy something known as “Gaslighting.” As we built our dossier, it became evident that he had behaved like a narcissist, but it went even further he also acted like a sociopath as he had no conscience.

 

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As tears welled up in my eyes, I dropped my face into my hands, the tears evolving into wailing. Paul tucked in close to me on the small couch, stiff and upright, not a flinch, not a flicker, totally still. The air was thick, suffocating me. A moment suspended and another. I felt the soft touch of the psychotherapists hand and her gentle voice.

Eventide  Love – A psychological Thriller.
I am writing a book on emotional abuse as a psychological thriller based on my story.

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One comment on “Blog Quotes 1 – #maybehedosenthityou

  1. - annie says:

    this sums of my life – and i am sure the lives of many. i too puzzled over my ex’s comment that i needed to “hurry and decide whether or not i wanted to remodel our master bathroom.” hind sight says i should have – and i should have spent big bucks doing it too!

    Like

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