At the end of a relationship the Narcissist faces potential exposure of his abusive behavior Your leaving/ending and loss of expected NS (Narcissistic Supply), ensuing separation/divorce, financial repercussions, can result in narcissistic injury and subsequent narcissistic rage. His targets find themselves on the receiving end of the Narcissist’s relentless abuse, smear campaign, endless legal battles and other creative cruelties. This narcissistic rage may be, in fact, much worse than what you experienced within the relationship.
Victims may have experienced severe physical or psychological abuse. That abuse, of course, is hidden behind closed doors. Seldom is there proof or witnesses.
Biased or ignorant courts may fail to recognize N tactics and victims may find no justice in the legal system. Some victims will now be dealing with the ‘sport litigator’s’ endless courtroom abuse. This N will not hesitate to pay top dollar in legal fees to obtain the benefit of the high-octane spotlight of attention the courts provide. He will not be concerned in any way with your financial/emotional needs. The preservation of his image and NS is now all-important.
Interfering with the Narcissist’s distorted sense of of his personal entitlement produces the Narcissist rage.
Even the victim’s relatives, friends, and colleagues are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. Others rarely have a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the victims are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical.”
Confronted with this contrast between a polished, self-controlled, and suave abuser and his harried casualties it is easy to reach the conclusion that the real victim is the abuser, or that both parties abuse each other equally. The prey’s acts of self-defense, assertiveness, or insistence on her rights are interpreted as aggression, lability, or a mental health problem.
Narcissism by Proxy: Dr. Sam Vaknin
Dr. Ernest Wolf on the Narcissistic Rage:
The narcissistically injured on the other hand, cannot rest until he has blotted out a vaguely experienced offender who dared to oppose him, to disagree with him, or to outshine him. It can never find rest because it can never wipe out the evidence that has contradicted its conviction it is unique and perfect. This archaic rage goes on and on and on.
Narcissistic rage occurs in many forms. They all share, however, a specific psychological flavor which gives them a distinct position within the wide realm of human aggressions. The need for revenge, for righting a wrong, for undoing a hurt by whatever means, and a deeply anchored, unrelenting compulsion in the pursuit of all these aims, which gives no rest to those who have suffered a narcissistic injury -these are the characteristic features of narcissistic rage in all its forms and which set it apart from other kinds of aggression.
Narcissistic rage is a horse of a different color. Sometimes conditions occur which make a person feel totally helpless and powerless. This is an unbearable experience and results in that individual’s unlimited rage to destroy – destroy any opponent, anyone who is not for me is against me, destroy the world, etc. Unfortunately, this narcissistic rage does not disappear when the helplessness or powerlessness have disappeared. Rather, this type of rage goes on, and on, and on, and only very gradually sort of wears itself out. Disruption-Restoration
This is a poem I wrote at the end of my relationship .
huddled in moonlight shadow
Chablis drowned despair
Darkness of my reality
Related Posts – After
Meet the Author – On The Edge
Female Narcissists – Men and women are both victims. This site is written from my experience that of a woman. It fully acknowledges the female narcissist and the chaos and destruction that can be caused to men in such an abusive relationship.