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"But where do you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
Won't you tell me the thoughts that surround you I want to look inside your head, yes I do." #songlyrics #eventide_love  #lostinlove #mindlessbehavior #mindgames #mystory #amwriting #psychologicalthriller based around #emotionalabuse  #follownow #Blog bio link in bio. #ireland🇮🇪 #bookblogger a Psychological Thriller based around emotional abuse; -
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"I kissed him like he was my God, and I his protector. I kissed him with a desperate, dark wildness. I kissed him hard with my tongue, my teeth in utter abandonment. A storm built in both of us as he laid siege to my desire, his hands sliding down my body, clasping my ass, entering me with a savage drive. At that moment we became lost in our universe as two uncomplicated fucking beasts. In that flash instant, he intoxicated me in a frenzied desire for his sheer physical strength, for his passion, for his stimulation, my life fueled by his breath. I convulsed from the savagery of his kisses, his fucking, penetrating with callous intent and right then I knew I could never be without this man in my life. My intellect captured, frenzied lust exploding as he pummelled me I clung on fucking him as if my life depended on it. It was that one fuck." #emotionalabuse as a #psychologicalthriller #amwriting #mystory #writingismyfreedom #writinglife #badlove #psyco #thrillerbooks Pain of a Silent Cry  #eventide_love Psychological Thriller- follow link for the story. . "I am struggling to surface from a limited perspective of my one-dimensional life with Chris. My life is falling apart; I am fading like a dying bulb into darkness. I am terrified of the future without Chris but even more terrified of my life with him." #psychologicalthriller #emotionalabuse #mystory #writinglife #thrillerbooks #amwriting #writingmystory #readers #artwork_artist #peterallert #saatchiartist #livewithart #artcollector Shades of Danger & Adventure - sums up life in emotional abuse. "There were many shades in the danger of adventures and gales, most of which were exhilarating and golden. It is only now and then that there appears on the face of facts a sinister violence of intention- that indefinable something which forces it upon the mind and the heart." "I could see no images only shades of light
I spread my arms out over the abyss

my heart’s rhythm was so slow
there was no need to inhale
my soul on the edge of the abyss
strands of obscure light from the heart of the earth
reached out and attached to my skin hugging me
I embraced the powerful draw of the abyss
the light fading and dying, I looked up and saw you." "Most victims keep their abusers secrets; they count on that, knowing exposing them exposes our failings. Telling about what happened to you is a powerful healing force that can dispel the shame of being a victim. Remember; the perversion belongs to the perpetrator and so does the shame." I write Emotional Abuse as a Psychological Thriller. #amwriting #truestory💯 #psychologicalabuse #mentalabuse #eventide_love #ireland🍀 #alfredhitchcock #davidlynch #amwritingfiction #bloglife

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Athens, Photos, Freedom, and Insight.

Once you have insight, you can’t take it back, everything that happens after the insight is different in some way.

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So here is how it was; I was living my life only half paying attention. And then suddenly I am with Paul, and the world becomes animated, intense, feelings are stronger, colors are vivid, words are glowing, and where life suddenly comes into focus. That image was a pipe dream, never absolute. Writing my book is giving me the clarity to understand why this relationship from which I emerged feeling very abused shook my life so dramatically.

I recently returned to Athens, Greece my first visit since my time there with Paul Allen. Athens was a pivotal moment in our relationship; I had a subliminal insight of our relationship that unsettled me. Like a beautiful house from the outside but now weather beaten the roof was starting to leak, the walls starting to rot, the foundations starting to shift. I did not sense the knot in my gut or my aching mind. I was running on adrenalin living high on our illusion, destructively breaking boundaries. I was in the middle of a pipe dream. So returning to Athens on a recky for the book project accompanied by my editor was not an easy task. My memory of  the visit to Athens with Paul remained a significant hurdle in my efforts to erase the residue of the relationship. So like a ghost I relived my time with Paul in Athens shadowed by my book editor.

This visit to Athens was extraordinarily cathartic. It snapped the last piece of the chord that kept me from fully freeing myself from my feelings of abuse.

Sunset at Temple of Poseidon.

Sunset at Temple of Poseidon.

Paul and I took hundreds of photographs and many videos. Particularly while we were in Athens. We asked strangers to take shots of us kissing, holding hands, laughing, posing in front of stunning backdrops. Except for the few photos that I had saved on my iPad including the iconic one of us on the rooftop of the Grand Bretagne Hotel with the magnificent Acropolis as our backdrop, Paul kept all the other images. Of all the stuff that happened to lose my photos impacted the deepest on my recovery. I imagine Paul destroyed them all to erase our story. 

The thought that the photos of our relationship could be deleted without my knowledge or agreement psyched me out. That is until now.  By simply having the photos taken at the same spots in Athens, and with only me in them was like a switch going off and my mind set changed.

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Are you  struggling to recover from emotional abuse?  Don’t be afraid to face up to your nemesis and try and shake it off. You owe it to yourself to liberate your mind from the carnage of abuse. This time three years ago I felt I was dying, I was truly knocked off centre. By opening up and talking about how I felt, writing the blog, research, professional help and ridding myself of the illusion I made it through the hell. If I did it, then YOU can do it.

Are you feeling desperate right now and feel you will never come out the other end?  Trust me you will feel better as time and memories change. It’s does take time, but you can make it. Here is link as to why it takes such a long time to get over this type of abuse. Emotional Abuse and The Brain. Emotional abuse doesn’t stop the day you walk away from an emotionally abusive partner. Why? Let me get a little technical here. The hippocampus a major part of the brain is part of the limbic system–also known as the ‘emotional brain.’ read more 

 

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Meet the Author 

End of the relationship It’s A Rap

 

 

 

Lead Quote: The Emotion Machine 

“I went crazy in my fear, running around the place screaming and he eventually somehow subdued my deep terror just as I was about to fall over the edge.”

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