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“At that very first kiss I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an ethereal way. All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish, all the secrets that slept deep within my soul came awake. I felt the narcotic sensuality of Maryvn Gaye’s lyrics playing inside my heart in perfect harmony with life.” #eventide_love #emotionalabuse as a #psychologicalthriller : : #amwriting #mystory #psychologicalabuse #creativewriting #hitchcock #davidlynch #relationshipsgoals #badlove #marvyngaye #myquote #publishing #metoo #metoomovement #womenempowerment #ireland🍀
“There were many shades in the danger of adventures and gales, most of which were exhilarating and golden. It is only now and then that there appears on the face of facts a sinister violence of intention- that indefinable something which forces it upon the mind and the heart. It is this complication of incidents, or these elemental furies coming at me with a purpose of malice, with a strength beyond control, with an unbridled cruelty. And this means it tears out my hope and passion. MY pain of fatigue and longing for rest targets destruction, annihilates all I can see, known, loved, enjoyed, or hated; all that is priceless and necessary- the sunshine, the memories, the future. My precious world as I knew it sweeps utterly away from my sight, further and further as each day goes by, it’s simply an appalling act of losing my life.” #eventide_love : :: #emotionalabuse as a #psychologicalthriller #artwork🎨 @darren_crowley : : #amwriting #mystory #psychologicalthriller #hitchcock #publishing #psychological #womensaid #lovindublin #blogtobook #lifeblogger #davidlynch #reesewitherspoonbookclub #womenempowerment #emotionalrollercoaster
“As my life unraveled from my relationship with Paul, I wanted people to see the abuse, to believe it, to have faith in me. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors, to see beyond the exposer of the relationship. I needed them to understand the devastation, to cushion the fall without preconception. What I didn't know at that stage is that when Paul messed with my life, he was not messing with one part of my life, he was messing with my entire life. Every thread of my life.” #eventide_love : Emotional Abuse as a Psychological Thriller. #artwork🎨 Flora Borsi : : : #emotionalabuse #psychologicalthriller #mystory #creativewriting #writinginspiration #davidlynch #hitchcock #publishing #bookpublishing #psychological #psychologicalabuse #lovindublin #womensaid #womenempowerment
Eventide Love this is my story. In a speech at Wheaton College, Massachusetts, Carl Sagan spoke of how we humans share 99.6% of our active genes with chimpanzees. He described male chimps as aggressive and female chimps as non-aggressive. When under stress or threatened, male chimps become angry, pick up stones and hold them in their palms to hurl at the target. Female chimps, he tells us, walks up to the angry males, pry open their fingers, removes the stones, and drop them on the ground. I tried to take the stones from his hands; I tried talking, texting, writing, believing, settling, begging, tears and anger. I always tried to be the peacemaker, to give him what he wanted while attempting to maintain some dignity. That was unacceptable to him; he wanted to control the terms completely. His terms harmed me. It carried on. Every time I tried to kill the flame, he would always reignite it. My instinct for survival made me realize that unless he was crushed completely the flame would never go out. #eventide_love ; : : #psychologicalthriller #psychological #thriller #thrillers #amwriting #mystory #myblog #emotionalabuse #hitchcock #davidlynch #blogtobook #writingblog
When words have lost their meaning @outlines_arturo : : : : #sothebys #sothebyshongkong #eventide_love #amwriting #mystory #emotionalabuse #livewithart #artandlife #psychologicalthriller #davidlynch #hitchcock #alfredhitchcock
My #eventide_love. “The reflections are chaotically painful just like the time spent with Paul, raising feelings of helplessness, despair, humiliation, loneliness, fear; sensations erotically blended with sensuality. That mental ache is the indelible scar left by emotional abuse, the legacy of Paul Allen’s ‘Love.’ I live in the long shadow of the trauma once again centered in my life through writing the book. I placed my soul at Paul’s feet, and he kicked me so hard with his emotional games I landed in an open grave." : : #amwriting #mystory #emotionalabuse as a #psychologicalthriller #thrillerbooks #ladygaga #quoted #blogto #book #ireland🍀

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Athens, Photos, Freedom, and Insight.

Once you have insight, you can’t take it back, everything that happens after the insight is different in some way.

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So here is how it was; I was living my life only half paying attention. And then suddenly I am with Paul, and the world becomes animated, intense, feelings are stronger, colors are vivid, words are glowing, and where life suddenly comes into focus. That image was a pipe dream, never absolute. Writing my book is giving me the clarity to understand why this relationship from which I emerged feeling very abused shook my life so dramatically.

I recently returned to Athens, Greece my first visit since my time there with Paul Allen. Athens was a pivotal moment in our relationship; I had a subliminal insight of our relationship that unsettled me. Like a beautiful house from the outside but now weather beaten the roof was starting to leak, the walls starting to rot, the foundations starting to shift. I did not sense the knot in my gut or my aching mind. I was running on adrenalin living high on our illusion, destructively breaking boundaries. I was in the middle of a pipe dream. So returning to Athens on a recky for the book project accompanied by my editor was not an easy task. My memory of  the visit to Athens with Paul remained a significant hurdle in my efforts to erase the residue of the relationship. So like a ghost I relived my time with Paul in Athens shadowed by my book editor.

This visit to Athens was extraordinarily cathartic. It snapped the last piece of the chord that kept me from fully freeing myself from my feelings of abuse.

Sunset at Temple of Poseidon.

Sunset at Temple of Poseidon.

Paul and I took hundreds of photographs and many videos. Particularly while we were in Athens. We asked strangers to take shots of us kissing, holding hands, laughing, posing in front of stunning backdrops. Except for the few photos that I had saved on my iPad including the iconic one of us on the rooftop of the Grand Bretagne Hotel with the magnificent Acropolis as our backdrop, Paul kept all the other images. Of all the stuff that happened to lose my photos impacted the deepest on my recovery. I imagine Paul destroyed them all to erase our story. 

The thought that the photos of our relationship could be deleted without my knowledge or agreement psyched me out. That is until now.  By simply having the photos taken at the same spots in Athens, and with only me in them was like a switch going off and my mind set changed.

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Are you  struggling to recover from emotional abuse?  Don’t be afraid to face up to your nemesis and try and shake it off. You owe it to yourself to liberate your mind from the carnage of abuse. This time three years ago I felt I was dying, I was truly knocked off centre. By opening up and talking about how I felt, writing the blog, research, professional help and ridding myself of the illusion I made it through the hell. If I did it, then YOU can do it.

Are you feeling desperate right now and feel you will never come out the other end?  Trust me you will feel better as time and memories change. It’s does take time, but you can make it. Here is link as to why it takes such a long time to get over this type of abuse. Emotional Abuse and The Brain. Emotional abuse doesn’t stop the day you walk away from an emotionally abusive partner. Why? Let me get a little technical here. The hippocampus a major part of the brain is part of the limbic system–also known as the ‘emotional brain.’ read more 

 

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Meet the Author 

End of the relationship It’s A Rap

 

 

 

Lead Quote: The Emotion Machine 

“I went crazy in my fear, running around the place screaming and he eventually somehow subdued my deep terror just as I was about to fall over the edge.”

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