“Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no one can tell me what I’m supposed to do right now. Right now, I can’t sleep. It’s right now that I can’t eat. Right now, I still hear his voice and sense his ominous presence even though I know he’s not here. Right now, I am suffering gut-wrenching despair. Right now, all I seem to do is cry. I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don’t know what to do with all this hurt right now.”
It’s horrible. I know how you feel. I thought I would never feel relief from the knot of despair in my stomach. Or that I would ever be able to breath again, walk in the sunshine, laugh with my friends, eat with my family. I desperately wanted the pain to go away. It was sucking the life out of me. But you know what, there was very little I could do to banish the pain. I had to seek help. I went on medication and bunkered down for the pain to dissipate. My psychiatrist gave me the most invaluable piece of information at the time. ‘As each day passes forming new memories allows the memory of the older events to fade. Only when time passes and memories change will you start to recover.’ I explain it in a very simplicity way. I spent the New Year immediately after we broke up in a psychiatric hospital in a living hell of memories of the two of us together. The crescendoes of abuse particularly in the way it ended convulsed me. The following New Year held memories of the suffering and pain and the New Year after that memories of spending lovely and loving times with my family and friends. As time moved on my memory of us of the abuse decayed with fresh buds of memories pushing through. The recovery has not been uncomplicated. The residue of the abuse lays dormant in my soul. And that is where it remains. It will never leave me but I am now in a much better place. The knot untangled. The pain eased off. The despair weakened. I can breath again, laugh with my friends, eat with my family and run in the sunshine of life. The truth that I was a victim of abuse is still difficult to understand but at least now I can live with it without the pain and shame.
Give your mind a break, seek help, support and the nourish your emotions. Talk about your pain. I know right now it’s hard to believe; YOU WILL FEEL BETTER ONE DAY. xx
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