Daniele Buetti
Covert emotional manipulation occurs when a person who wants to gain power and control over you uses deceptive and underhanded methods to change your thinking, behavior and perceptions. Emotional manipulation operates under the level of your conscious awareness. Emotional manipulation and abuse lures you in and holds you psychologically captive. Victims don’t realize what’s going on while it’s happening.
Psychopaths are the most skilled at putting your sense of self-worth and emotional well being into his hands. Once you are under his thumb, he methodically and continually chips away at your identity and self worth until there is little left.
Psychopaths and narcissists are the most dangerous emotional manipulators. They see themselves as superior and see others as nothing more than prey to be hunted to fulfill their needs. They have NO ability to love, No empathy, No guilt or remorse and No conscience. To the psychopath, life is a game of taking power and control and getting what they want, such as sex, money or influence, and attempting to destroy the victim emotionally, psychologically, spiritually or physically in the process.
Just when you believe the magical excitement of a loving relationship has entered our life; something very different and sinister is might actually be in the background. Psychopaths are highly skilled at hiding their real personalities, who they really are. Their goal is to dupe you into believing they love you – and do everything they can to make you believe that during an intensify phase of romantic magic. This intense bonding stage is created for one reason – to hook you and make you vulnerable to the manipulation and abuse that WILL follow.
The purpose of your relationship will change from loving you to demeaning, degrading and exploiting you, confusing you, and diminishing your self respect, self-worth, and self esteem while making you question your reality.
A psychopath keeps you around until you’re the desperate mess he manipulated you into becoming. When that happens, he will tell you- with feigned or real vitriol, disdain and contempt that he can’t cope with you anymore, that you are now just boring him, you are not the person he thought you were and he is done with you. He will leave you an emotional wreck questioning how things went so terribly wrong… how your soul- mate relationship went from heaven straight into he bowel of hell.
The aftermath of emotional rape is savage. The trauma is severe, and the victim should pursue psychological help. A lack of understanding by family and friends makes things even more difficult. No one unless they have experienced it or have studied this type of abuse realizes how severely traumatized the victim is.
Sadly some victims of psychopaths attempt suicide as a result of hopelessness, helplessness and belief that there is no way out. Victims have reported that during the relationship psychopaths have actually encouraged or suggested their victims to take their own lives or (as in my case) have indicated they would put them through so much turmoil that the only recourse would be suicide. From Aftermath; Surviving psychopath a website founded by professor of psychology and psycopathy researcher, David Kosson, Ph.D, to provide help as well as education to those whose lives have been impacted by psychopaths.
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I recommend the book Emotional Rape Syndrome if you or you suspect that someone you know has been through this traumatic experience. The Book describes emotional rape and its effects in detail, and contains several chapters on healing from emotional rape.
Emotional rape has many similarities to physical rape, particularly date rape. Date rape involves the sexual use of someone’s body without consent. In a like manner, emotional rape is the use of someone’s higher emotions, such as love, without consent. However, in the case of emotional rape the lack of consent is contained in what the perpetrator doesn’t say… his or her hidden agenda. Emotional rape is common in, but not limited to, male/female relationships. Victims of emotional rape can be both men and women. Both forms of rape can be very devastating and require specialized programs for recovery.
Several major obstacles are encountered in recovery from emotional rape. The first is that the victim knows that something bad happened, but doesn’t know what or why. And as in date rape, a big issue is that of trust. Victims often feel that they will never be able to love or trust anyone again. Other obstacles to recovery, again similar to date rape, are the re-victimization of the victim by friends, family, and society and the subsequent tendencies toward self-blame and silence about what happened. The book addresses these concerns as well as many more in the five chapters on recovery.
Sexual Rape is a violation of someone’s body – Emotional Rape is a violation of the human soul
This book is about identifying, preventing and healing emotional rape.
It’s about telling victims that they didn’t do anything morally wrong – that they are not to blame for what happened to the and that recovery is possible.
It’s about telling victims how they can recover – to become survivors.
Only after this underrated trauma is properly identified can survivors begin to heal their wounds. Only when it is discussed honestly and openly can we, as individuals and as a society, act effectively to prevent the spread of this destructive behavior.
Posts on Emotional Abuse or check out the menu After Emotional Abuse – ‘After’ Posts and scroll down.
Please note- Female Narcissists – Men and women are both victims. This site is written from my experience that of a woman. It fully acknowledges the female narcissist and the chaos and destruction that can be caused to men in such an abusive relationship.
On The Edge 
This is the first time I have read the difference between physical rape and emotional rape articulated so clearly. I’m pleased that you highlighted that men can be victims of emotional rape also because I have witnessed a lot of that. I intend buying the book.
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Legally more needs to be done about sociopaths, psychopaths and the like.
They are just as deadly to society as a killer with a loaded gun. God knows my abuser was.
I made a website sharing my story. I pray everyone who has been through this shares their story so we can help prevent this type of damage being done to other innocent victims out there . http://wonderjwoman126.wix.com/matija-turkalj-ptsd
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