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For the last three years, I have been writing this blog about recovering from emotional abuse. About being strong, finding your independence, fighting for your life, confronting emotional abuse. This year brought on a whole new struggle.

“Now I find myself even more lost than I ever was.
You know I always stay up without sleeping,
And think to myself,
Where do I belong forever,
In whose arms, and place?

I’m burning inside, nobody understands my language,
We all wanna be different, but we doing the same shit,
Wear the same clothes, same chains, same cars,
Got the same goals, wanna be the same stars,
Same heart break, we carry the same dreams,
I carry the same dreams!
There’s no real friends just delusive smiling faces

All around me are familiar faces,
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Always judging
I hide my head
I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow

My energy is slipping away

And only I know.”

And the reality is: only you know your depth of despair. I am fight hard not to give into my tribulations and keep going. I have good days, but by god I have bad days, one thing I do know is I  battle on as hard as I can. I believe I will feel the love again. I will live life again without pain.

I am writing this because I know from all the messages I get that so many of you recover and then struggle again. I am no different. None of us know what life’s journey is going to throw at us. But what I do know is I hold my head high through all my reactions to what lands on my plate and keep going. You can do the same, keep battling. Conjure up the positive in your life in your mind, no matter how rocky you feel kick those pebbles out of the way. It’s your life, break through the shit and make it happen.

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Autumn Hill

by Hannah Adamaszek

Featured Image: Waters Way by Hannah Adamaszek

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